Back to Normal
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Oneshot written for the NFA Anticipating 8 challenge. Tim and Ducky talk about the events at the end of season 7...and what's wrong with them. I wasn't happy with the end of the season. It's illustrated here. That's your warning. :


**A/N: **Written for the NFA Anticipating Season 8 Challenge. Oneshot featuring Tim and Ducky. It's my way of expressing my distaste with the end of season 7 and my lack of enthusiasm for season 8. Numerous references to events in season 7.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine! Not mine! I think SB, CBS and DPB have some priority over me. I'm not making money off this story, but if the writers would like to use this to address what I feel are deep flaws in the progression of NCIS, I wouldn't mind a bit.

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**Back to Normal  
**by Enthusiastic Fish

It was far too easy to get away from everyone, far too easy to be alone. Far too easy and thus the only possible option. Tim slipped away from work, not wanting to talk, not wanting to be with anyone. He didn't want anything but to be alone. So, he fled from everyone. It wasn't an obvious flight. No one noticed it because there was no reason to.

He waved.

He smiled.

He escaped.

Out of the building, away from his friends and coworkers. He wanted to be alone.

At least that was what he had _thought _he wanted until he _was_.

When Tim got back to his apartment, he felt no desire to be there...alone. Yes, Jethro was there, but tonight...tonight, he didn't want to be with his dog. And yet, he didn't want to be with anyone else either. He fed and walked Jethro like the responsible pet-owner he was. Then, he left again, got in his car and drove. He wandered aimlessly through the streets, wanting something but not knowing what it was. Finally, he was at the southern edge of Rock Creek Park. He parked his car and got out, wandering around the park, through the trees.

Today was just not a good day. Was it the case? Was it his mother calling to tell him about his dad's surgery? Was it his stalled writing career? Was it nothing? Was it everything? He walked a bit further and sat down on a convenient bench. He was so alone. So very alone.

But not for long...

"Timothy? Is that you?"

Tim looked up.

"Ducky. What are you doing here?"

"Walking would be the correct answer, I suppose."

"I'm sitting."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

Ducky ambled over and sat beside Tim on the bench. To Tim's surprise, Ducky said nothing, not for a long time. He just sat in companionable silence.

"You seemed to be having a rough day, Timothy."

"You noticed?"

"Yes. So I am correct?"

"Yeah."

"Any particular reason?"

"Yeah."

"Care to talk about it?"

"What's going to happen now?" Tim blurted out. It wasn't what he had intended to say, but it had apparently been foremost on his mind.

"What do you mean, lad?"

Tim paused and considered the question, wanting to get it right. Then, he asked another in return.

"Am I supposed to be happy right now, Ducky?"

"About what?"

"About all this...stuff that's been going on. Everyone is back now. Gibbs is back from Mexico. So is Tony. The team is together again. Gibbs' dad is okay. Franks is back with his daughter-in-law and granddaughter. Everything is back to normal. Right? I should be happy, right?"

"But you're not?"

"No." Tim let it out and sighed. "No, Ducky. I'm not happy."

"Why not, lad?"

"Gibbs committed murder. Yeah, I know it was a long time ago, but he committed murder, Ducky! He let his mother-in-law off for murder. We all know it. We just didn't say anything about it. Gibbs blew off Ziva's citizenship ceremony. Yeah, I know lots of other things came up later on, but still, he could have been there. Tony couldn't, but Gibbs could have been. He could have been and he wasn't. He didn't care enough to come to something so important."

Tim looked at Ducky, pleading.

"Tell me why I should be happy about everything being...back to normal."

"You don't want it back to normal?"

"No...I just don't think it is. I can't look at Gibbs the same way. I can't...can't think of him the same way. Everything he's done. He's committed more crimes than people we've arrested! Why should I want him back? Why should I want things back to normal? Back to normal means more lies. It means more times when Gibbs goes off on his own, leaving us behind to try and pick up the pieces. It means more winks and nudges when Gibbs does yet another thing that is over the line. If we can't obey the law, then how can we expect the people we investigate to obey the law?"

"What's the _real_ problem, Timothy?"

Tim looked at his clasped hands.

"The real problem?"

"Yes. The real reason this has bothered you so much. The showdown with Ms. Reynosa was more than a week ago. Many of the issues which have irritated you took place months ago. So what is the real problem?"

Tim chewed on the inside of his cheek for a few seconds...and then spoke, much as he had the first time.

"I want things to go back to normal...but they can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't forget what I know. I can't forget what I've seen, what I've been a part of. Nothing can be back to normal. Nothing. I can't look at Gibbs the same way again."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing."

"Ducky! Gibbs killed a man! I know why and I know that he could never be brought to trial for it. I don't think the man he killed was a good man. I don't! ...but Gibbs is an NCIS special agent! He's a Marine! He's supposed to uphold the law, not circumvent it when it suits him!"

"What about justice?"

"If we were to let justice be served by anyone anytime...then, we should have let Pamola Reynosa kill Gibbs to get justice for the murder of her father."

"Is that what you want?"

"No! That's _not_ what I want! ...but why is that we all just look the other way whenever Gibbs crosses the line?"

"What do you want to have happen, Timothy?"

Tim chewed at a fingernail, not looking at Ducky for a long time. He was ashamed of how he felt, but at the same time, he didn't see how he could possibly feel anything else.

"Timothy?" Ducky asked again.

"I want to forget this all happened. I want to forget what I know about what Gibbs has done. I want to go back to ignoring the things he does that are wrong, the things he asks _us_ to do that are wrong. I want this never to have happened."

"Life doesn't work that way, Timothy."

"I know."

"Hence your rotten day."

Tim smiled a little. "Yeah."

"I wish I knew what to tell you, Timothy. I really do. ...but I don't know."

"How do _you_ deal with it?"

"By hoping that all will work out for the best. It often does."

"Does it? I wish I could hope, but I don't seem to be able to right now."

"Actually, Timothy, you're wrong."

"Why do you say that?"

"If you had no hope, you wouldn't feel so badly about it now."

"What do you mean?"

"'He who has never hoped can never despair.' I believe that comes from George Bernard Shaw." Ducky patted Tim's knee and stood. "Now, I think I will head home. Would you like to join me for a cup of tea?"

Tim thought about it. Any desire for solitude was long gone.

"I'd like that Ducky."

"Then, come, lad. I just received an exotic Jasmine tea from a good friend of mine. We can sample it."

Tim smiled. "Sure, Ducky. Sounds good."

The two of them walked to Tim's car and then drove to Ducky's home. It was a short drive, and it was taken in silence. Tim watched with interest as Ducky prepared the tea, called Jasmine Dragon Tears which actually opened up, releasing the scent of jasmine, when the hot water hit it. He was fascinated by the process.

They spoke very little, but Tim was unaccountably comforted by the simple event. He didn't care much for the tea, but the time spent was well worth it. After about an hour, it was time to go and Tim stood, followed by Ducky. At the door, Ducky put a hand on his back.

"No one is perfect, Timothy. Gibbs least of all. You will have to figure out how to work through your disillusionment. ...but while you struggle with that, don't despair...and feel free to join me for tea anytime."

"Thanks, Ducky. I'll remember that."

Tim walked down the sidewalk to his car and thought about what Ducky had said. Maybe he'd try to hope for things getting better.

_He who has never hoped can never despair.  
__George Bernard Shaw_

FINIS!


End file.
